TBH: What I Need to See From the Real Housewives of Dallas

It is no secret that I am pro Bravo and pro Andy Cohen. I am also pro rich women arguing on television while drinking wine, so today when I saw Bravo confirmed their two new Real Housewives franchises I immediately stopped working and instead stalked Andy Cohen on Twitter to find out all the information possible. What they announced today were two new cities:

Potomac, Maryland—I literally had to Google Maps this place because I honestly thought it was in Canada and was actually super happy because Bravo's international shows are pure gold and help me plan out where I want to go on vacations. Sadly, it's not. It's somewhere "up the river from DC," which means nothing to me, like I didn't even know there was a river there. I feel like this one is going to be on first because there's an actual cast list of women who's names sounded familiar but I also had to Google them to be sure. So basically RHOP is a giant question mark for me, since RHODC was only on for a season and it was terrible so it's pretty brave to go back to that area of the country. It'll probably be fine, maybe the next RHONJ, who knows. 

Dallas, Texas— THE ONLY CITY I REALLY CARE ABOUT RIGHT NOW. Seriously, I had heard rumors about this happening for years and nothing had ever come from that so I never really got my hopes up but TODAY IS THE DAY, Y'ALL. There wasn't as much information about this one beside the fact that it IS happening, and the more I thought about it today when I should have been focusing on my job, the more I realized how much potential this show has. Think of the drunken accents getting thicker. Think of how big the hair is going to be. Think of all the B roll of Texas sunsets. It's going to be fantastic. And being from Texas, I just feel like I have expectations of some really great drama and storylines that I need to see when this series finally graces our screens.

I need the women to be made up of:

• One Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader coach, Kelli Finglass or Judy Trammell. Both would be ideal honestly, but we need one legend of a Texas football institution and Judy would be great because her daughter is a DCC now so think of the cameos. Plus they're sassy.
• Denise Jonas. I don't know what the likelihood of this would be but she was great on that weird show Kevin and his wife had, like that episode where she made her daughter-in-law, Danielle, feel bad that she was using plastic cutlery and paper napkins at a family dinner? Amazing television. Also since Joe and Gigi are dating, it's the perfect moment for a RHOBH crossover with Yolanda.
• At least 2 athlete wives. Preferably from different sports, like one Rangers wife and one Cowboys wife. They can bond over their husbands being on the road and being super rich and they can fight the other women who think they have it easy. They'll be the ultimate power couple.
• A music mogul wife. I don't really care but there has to be one person who thinks they can have a singing career. Side note about this: when is there going to be a compilation of all the wives songs? I would buy that in a heartbeat. Kandi can put it together and David Foster can do a bonus track.
• Courtney Kerr. What's she doing now? Get her back on TV. She's amazing.
• Ex-model. You have to have an ex-model, it's a requirement set in place by Bravo execs.
• Other random women who are related to more famous people. No preference.

Drama I need to see:

• They go to the state fair and eat all the fried food, then have a fight about something right by Big Tex. Gotta get that money shot in there.
• Someone rides a mechanical bull in the first episode.
• Someone tilts their head and says "Bless your heart". This is inevitably happen multiple times and I am VERY excited about it.
• They take an international trip to Paris. They make jokes about someone missing the flight because they thought they meant Paris, Texas. They try to speak French with their accents. "WELCOME TO FRANCE, Y'ALL!" 
• Tons of passive aggressive digs because that's how we fight in the south. Sass with a smile.
• Two women have sons who play football for rival schools and they act like it's not an issue for them because they're grown women but when their teams play each other they have a fight in the parking lot during the tailgate about one of the women showing up to the other woman's tent wearing the opposing jersey and insulting her BBQ. Husbands look at each other and leave to go play corn-hole.

Basically, RHOD is going to be amazing, and whenever it does come on, I'm going to save all my DVR recordings forever and ever and watch them all the time. Thank you Jesus, and thank you Andy Cohen.